The True Meaning

Capturing Connections

In this post I dive into what photography really means to me and how I want to share that with families. Photography is much more than just taking photos, it gets a little deep so dive on in.

Passion

Art has always been a passion of mine. From a young age I would spend hours hunched over crafting or drawing on the floor of my bedroom. However, creativity doesn’t exactly come natural to me, so I always gravitated towards realism and drawing people or animals, recreating what was already there. I was pretty good technically; I had an eye for perfection.

I do also have a degree in visual fine arts which is focused on painting and drawing. I switched my degree plan to art after a few semesters of criminal justice. What does one do with an art degree? At the time I really didn’t care. I was about a year away from a deployment to Afghanistan with the Army. I decided then that life is too fleeting to pursue something other than what you are passionate about. I’ll get back to that sentiment later, so read on if you feel like crying.

Growth

Fast forward a few years and that degree helped me land a job as a social media manager and graphic designer for the Connecticut Army National Guard. This job taught me to delve into adobe programs like photoshop and illustrator. Graphic design was my least favorite class in college, due to it being a frustrating learning curve that I had no real motivation or purpose to master. When I accepted the position with the National Guard, I was expected to produce, so naturally I accepted the challenge. I taught myself a thing or two the only way people know how, by watching YouTube and using the programs daily.

I was fulfilled, being allowed to create things daily and learn these programs, all while being paid for it. Photography played a part in this job as well, but I never really had the correct tools, knowledge or time to create something I would be proud of. Frequently we do these things, use excuses not to grow, be afraid to make mistakes and become vulnerable to critique. My biggest struggle throughout my entire life is that if it isn’t perfect, it just isn’t.

Purpose and Motivation

After my son was born in August of 2019, I staged the perfect monthly milestone photos, down to making sure they were done on time, in the same light, with the same stuffed bear, similar styled outfits and the same little grey chair. I mean they did come out great, I was pretty proud. Naturally when my daughter was born, I had to do the same with her. I did all these photos with my phone, since I couldn’t possibly switch to a different camera, it would throw everything off. You could say I am a little neurotic, I wouldn’t disagree, but they had to be perfect. I put all those photos together at the end of their first year, it was nice to watch them grow.

I ended up buying a professional camera in September 2022 and after a year of taking photos of families and torturing my children with endless photo shoots, I have come to realize, what makes photography compelling, is not perfection. It is emotion, it is connection. The best photos are not perfect, they are raw, emotive, playful, loving. As a photographer and client, this takes the stress out of trying to force something that may not be genuine. I want my sessions to feel natural, to show a family as they are without unrealistic expectations for toddlers or teenagers or husbands for that matter. Don’t get me wrong, I still do love a perfect photo, everyone looking at the camera, smiling. I always get some even if that means going into photoshop and doing head swaps. The money shot!

True Meaning

When I was 17, my brother died in a car accident. It has been 16 years since this happened and all we have left is photographs and memories. As I write this I am just realizing that in one more year, I will have spent just as many years with him as without him. Looking back, there are not a lot of photos of me and my brother together as teenagers. We are of course talking about a time before we had cameras on our phones that took quality photos, before the selfie and Facebook was pretty new.

We didn’t even have a family photo. The people who did my brother’s senior portraits kindly offered to take a portrait of my mom, dad and I and photoshop my brother in. It was a lovely family portrait, however there was no special meaning, the moment never happened, no memories were made. When I looked at it, it almost just made me sad, knowing we posed around an empty chair.

If I want to see my brother as he was before he passed, I only have a few photos to look at that bring me joy. The ones I really hold on to are the ones I took of him. Seeing the photo, knowing he is looking at me when it was taken puts me in that photo of him. Of course I am the only one who sees this. The two photos I took of him, bring me joy and sadness knowing that I was with him in that moment, and it is ours together.

The last photo I took of him brings back the memories we shared during that time. We were in Lake George on a disastrous family vacation, at each other’s throats, teenagers who would rather be doing something else, we almost packed up and went home early. My mother planned it for us, and we of course stuck it out. What did end up happening is my brother and I reconnected; we were not very close in our teenage years. This rocky family vacation did give us the chance to have a one on one, to reconnect and the opportunity to tell each other I love you. Two days after we got home, he was gone. I hold on to this very specific memory and I can echo the words he said to me in my mind. “Steph, seriously I love you.”

Photographs and Memories

For me the photos are what make the memories so real. They allow me to put myself into that place, allowing me to focus on the emotional connection rather than trying to recreate the scene in my brain from scratch. As I said before, I am not naturally creative so having something real and tangible is what I can recreate from. This doesn’t have to apply only to loved ones who are no longer with us. This applies to families as they grow physically and emotionally. There is a photo of my husband and I hanging on the wall from our wedding day. Every time I look at it, I remember what he said to me to make me laugh. It brings me right back to the moment every time.

Family Portraits

When creating family portraits, I want to be able to provide that same ability. Not in a tragic way but to remember their family as they were on that day. The feel of their tiny hand in yours, the way their hair curled into ringlets when it was humid out, the way they look at you with overwhelming love, erasing your anger for any misgivings they gave you moments ago. Children grow up so fast, as my husband and I have seen from the rate our little ones are growing, constantly changing and becoming little versions of ourselves.

When I look at my children, I see my brother and I (they really look a lot like us too). I imagine for a moment it is us rough housing on the living room floor, chasing each other around the house or snuggling close on the couch, winding down from a long day. When I take their photos, it feels like I am somehow recreating memories from my childhood that I do not have tangible proof of. I also want to be able to provide my children with snapshots of their life, where they can look at the photo, close their eyes and remember themselves in that moment. The moment they looked at each other and couldn’t stop giggling, running through a field feeling free to explore, throwing rocks, looking for creatures, just living. The photos are just as much for me as they are for them. Someday they will appreciate them, I hope.  

Telling a Story

One of the beautiful aspects of photography is its ability to be shared. A photograph not only helps us remember but also becomes a vehicle for storytelling. It allows us to share our experiences, emotions, and connections with others. Social media is a great vehicle to share these moments too, but they can get lost in the noise pretty quickly. Scroll, like, scroll, move on.

When I take photos of a family I want to go back to my roots as an artist. I take my time during the editing process getting the colors just right, swapping heads if I need to, making adjustments that can help highlight and portray emotion. I want my clients’ photos to be regarded as art, hung on the wall, put into albums the remain on the coffee table, thumbed through by family and guests. By capturing these genuine, unscripted moments, I want to create a visual narrative of that day, connecting not only the family but anyone who views it.

Preserving Memories

Photography has become more than just a profession or passion for me. It has become a way of connecting and providing visual memories for myself and my clients. While photographs cannot recreate the actual experiences, they serve as sparks for our memories, evoking emotions and preserving fragments of time that would otherwise fade away. So, let us not underestimate the significance of capturing those moments, for we can never get them back. Time is a thief and it stops for no one.

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